This Is Your Brain On Adventure

Thought Catalog

They gave me this drug once. It was called “adventure”. It was injected, a bite, into my brain and filled every cortex, every lobe, every bit of matter. It choked me. It changed me.

This is your brain on adventure. This is your brain when you’re lost in the world.

There’s no seeing the sunrise.

You smell the sunrise. It brings you back to life like a blade of grass woken by the morning dew. Your insides are stroked by the gentle graze of air when you open your arms wide to hug the world’s intangible breath. And you do hold it, the Earth’s elusive exhale, when you close your eyes on top of a peak and let the wind blow you away. Whether an old relic becomes shiny and new again because you see it for the first time or whether your mind is lost in the sunset playing…

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tethered

that of myself

which is visible-

exposed,

shared,

definitive-

an extension of this body

which allows this soul

to partake in

earthly pleasures;

an extension this body’s

mind formulated-

wrapped,

tightly bound,

temporarily suffocated

in forest greens

golden slumber yellows

whites of innocence;

far too otherworldly

yet falsely characterized

by earth tones.

familiarizing the unfamiliar.

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What mimics life more accurately than immersion in water?
The intended meaning of other’s words may be difficult to decipher but, nonetheless, they echo louder than all else.

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The Tear

forever, i will be torn-

between wanting
to be everywhere,
to go everywhere,
with so many beautiful places
to discover;

and wanting
to be nowhere,
with you-
an ever changing someone
an ever changing you-
with so many beautiful people
to discover.

not to go
not to leave
not to venture
out of our world
and into a world
that never will be
quite as beautiful,
for it is not
and never will be
our creation

(we are our creation).

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When and If

when i say you are all i think about,
i mean you are the only thing my mind will allow itself to be consumed by.

and when i tell myself i am going to find a way to move on,
i mean i am going to desperately search for anyone with something to offer,
in order to occupy this emptiness created by your absence.

(even though i am fully aware no one can make me feel as happy and alive,
and happy to be alive, as you.)

and if i ever say i do not love you anymore,
i mean i have decided to pretend i love you less.

(because not loving the love of your life will always be impossible.)

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July

I’m catching a moment.
9 o’clock. The crackle of fireworks in the distance. Lightning bugs glowing in unison.
Band of Horses “No one is going to love you more than I do..”

The scent of chlorine and evening air – the scent of summer.
The atmosphere of summer – home’s summer.

As I watch the sky adjust from stormy to a setting sun; greys become blue, merge with clouds of orange, mix with pinks and purples, before making the full circle and settling into its roots of grey,

I feel calm and at peace.

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Constant

I looked over at Mom. She was crying, heavily.

What happened, what’s wrong?

Gina, I am so proud of you.

Bewilderment set in without delay, what have I done, what could she be proud of-
But why?

Rather than naming off accomplishments, being proud of things I have done-
Because you are a beautiful person.

She is proud of what I am, not what I do.

Now that, that is love.

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